Binge

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I find this ironic, posting this topic AFTER I posted about loving your body. Yes, ironic. Obviously, I’m stressing about assignments in class. I’ve just had a lot of trouble coming up with a topic for a certain essay, and for some reason, that seems to be stressing me out. And you know what I do when I’m stressed out? I eat junk food! I think I could call it a binge, but, I’ll just call it what it is: emotional eating. So, just to be edgy. I’ll tell you what I ate, and what I’m not happy about eating. I only had two PBJ’s and a bowl of cereal…you could say that’s a lot of food, or not a lot, depending on who you are. I’m just not happy about it because, one, its carbs and fat and sugar. Fattening stuff. Oh, and didn’t I just tell you the irony of this post? I’m complaining about food and getting fat, but I just told you guys yesterday to love your body…not hate it. Two, I know I’m happier when I do better than this. Eating all those carbs just made me even LESS motivated to do things…which, I don’t know about you, is BAD. Yes, BAD. I’m totally judging here, but I feel BAD, FAT AND GROGGY. And I think that deserves to be under ‘self awareness’, thank you very much!

I think I’ve always done this. Binge because I’m stressed or angry at myself…or both. Whichever it is, its not a healthy habit. And I know that. I’ve made huge improvements over the years, and thankfully, I’ve never gone beyond maintaining a healthy BMI. Weirdly enough, I’ve actually been more close to being underweight than overweight. Not sure why that is, but like I’ve mentioned before about Buddhism. The body and mind are a whole. Just typing that out makes my eyes pop. The mind and body are a whole? what is that even supposed to mean? it means a lot of things, thats for sure. I think my binge eating and anti-food behaviors are clues to what my cognitive health is like. I feel shitty, so I eat shit. Or is it the other way around? either way, I see a pattern.

Feeling shitty, then my ability to think logically and rightfully, is distorted due to my self-inflicting thoughts and behavior. However, like all problems, we should solve it at the source, not at the result. The result is the result, the source is the source. Correct? So, where and what is my source? Why do I follow through with emotional eating? I’m trying to satisfy something, and its clearly not stomach hunger. Well, since I know its emotional eating…it’s a stress response I’ve adapted too. But why? Why do I turn to food for comfort? why is it an escape from difficult emotions? I choose to not solve the problem and instead, gorge myself into an even gloomier domain. What happened? this is entirely illogical!! it doesn’t make sense!! Stressed, eat, and then become even more stressed. Where did this come from?? Well, I know your brain is triggered into a reward response whenever you eat. It’s survival. Give body fuel, you get reward. Simple enough. However, I think people who struggle with emotions and food like I do, can see this isn’t working out and has flawed to some degree.

So! what happened? how have we taught ourselves this response? is that reward response really that powerful? (I would think so, chemicals in the brain can be big stuff, don’t ever underestimate them. Just look at the drug industry!) It seems to be so. Now, how can we readapt our brains to respond more positively? Wait, hold on a moment, reread that word. Positive. Yes, go back and read it again. Positive. Positive. Positive. Are you getting it? because I’m not going to keep typing that in, my hands are starting to hurt. How about this: Positive Reinforcement. This is a learning theory that, is really revolved around response and outcome. Positive response, positive outcome. Negative response, negative outcome. You learn to moderate your eating, you get a positive response. You binge eat like there’s no tomorrow, negative response. Any questions?

Peace and Love,

Lotus .K

About Lotus Kat

I’m a college student working on my AA and planning to get a degree in Library Science. I’ve been a homescholar since 4th grade, and have loved every moment of it. Being in 4th grade, it was my parent’s who decided to switch from the public school system, they wanted to give me a better education (and they did, thank you very much!). I live somewhere in Iowa, a University Town to be exact. The weather is very Iowan (unpredictable) and we have a nice little population of the Homeless; you couldn’t ask for more. My past times include reading, writing, thinking creatively, and yoga and meditation. One of the wonderful things I can’t get enough of is creative writing. I write all the time, and am currently having a go at blogging (I think its going well, if I do say so myself)… I’m Vegan for many reasons I’m not going to even list. I’m a cat person, not a dog person. I love peanut butter and Naked Juice. I’m an almost-coffee-holic, tea-obsessed-flowerchild, Conspiracy Theorist, Try-to-Be-Buddhist but also an Almost-Atheist. I hate driving, I can’t stand being behind the wheel and in control of a two ton hunk of metal. And I’m a poor-excuse-for-a-bookworm…

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